Your average Notre Dame fan

My fellow Americans,

We are faced with a serious problem that has become a near pandemic in the college basketball world. Thousands of college students have disgraced the sacred act of court storming to the point where it has not even become a cool act to watch anymore. Court storming is not supposed to be a seasonal act for a team or something that is shown on ESPN weekly. Rushing the court should be left for those completely out-of-nowhere wins where not even Jesus himself could have seen it coming. I am here to lay out specific guidelines for court storming. I hope my Kentucky fans who never have to worry about court storming spread these to every college in America so that we can restore court storming to the special pedestal it deserves to be on.

Section 1) The Unrushables

There are certain schools that should NEVER EVER  even consider storming the court. I’m talking about the dynasties of college basketball with more than two national championships like UK, UNC, UCLA, Duke, and IU (cough, cough). If one of these schools decides to soil their sacred courts, they can never associate themselves with us ever again. So yes Indiana, you need to leave the premises of the Basketball Giants immediately. Oh I did not forget about you North Carolina, you embarrassed yourselves in 2011 by storming the court. I guess Ole Roy could not keep the kids off his lawn.

Youtube

Section 2) The Gentry

If UK and UNC were in the American economy, they would be listed in the one percent. The teams with recent (last 10 years) or multiple national titles  (Florida, Louisville, UCONN, Michigan St, NC State) are the two gentry of college basketball. Almost always successful with a few championship parades to their names. They should refrain from court storming except under the most miraculous of circumstances:

A) The opposing team is ranked number one (not about to be number one, not possibly number one, they must be number one) and the victory is by less than 5 while you are completely unranked.

B) The opposing team is top 5, and the team wins on an absolute prayer of a shoot, meaning a half courter or some type of Harlem Globetrotter Three pointer.

C) You are playing the MonStars, and you suddenly realize you can jump from half court with a super stretched arm to dunk it at the buzzer, storm every court in the Western hemisphere. Michael Jordan did it, I’m sure Andrew Wiggins has thought about doing it.

Section 3) The Elites

These are the teams who may not have the national titles, but are expected to be solid teams year in and year out (Georgetown, Ohio St, Wisconsin, Arizona, etc.). These teams can court storm on very rare occasions, not occurring within three years of each other.

A) The opposing team is number 1 and the team wins by less than 10 while they are not in the top 20.

B) The team is top 3 and unbeaten with a win by less than 5

C) The team is top 5 and the victory is by a half court shot or farther

D) The opposing team can not be coming off a loss

Section 4) The Average Joes

These are BCS conference teams who have a good season once every 3 years or so (Notre Dame, Miami, Marquette, etc.). You have some dignity Average Joes, but you have a bit more leniency than the rest.

A) Defeat a top 5 team

B) Defeat a rival you have failed to defeat in over 10 years.

C) Defeat a top 10  team by a miraculous heave that only Larry Bird could hit

Section 5 ) The Lower Levels

These are all of those mid- majors (Not named Memphis, Gonzaga, and Butler) and low-majors out there who generally have to trick BCS teams to come into their home arenas. If you are a one of those teams that has to win their conference in most cases to get to the Big Dance. You should rush when

A) You defeat a ranked BCS team or a BCS team with a storied basketball tradition

B) Do not rush when that BCS team is horrible that year (RPI above 100) or they are a bad BCS team (Florida St, Northwestern, Penn St, Auburn)

Spread the word Kentucky fans. Teach these hooligans to rush at the appropriate times. Personally, Notre Dame has rushed in two of the most ridiculous and unwarranted situations I have ever seen. I don’t care if the game goes to 20 overtimes, you do not rush after beating a team outside the top 10 who is currently sixth in your conference. I love court storming, but I also loved Call Me Maybe until I heard the song for millionth time. Don’t be like Carly Rae Jepsen college basketball fans. Scarcity is not always a bad thing especially with rushing the court

End Rant. If you agree or disagree, leave your input in the comment box.

@JayHochKSR