This concept would probably be more effective had I made my username a pseudonym rather than my actual name. Regardless, I soldier on.

Hey BBN, Gossip Girl here. You thought I lived in New York, didn’t you? Well, as you know by now, I’m anything but predictable. The luxury lifestyle of an East Side princess has become too cliché for me to bear, and in an attempt to reconnect with the commoners, I’ve relocated to Lexington, KY. As a prep school brat, I’ve never had the pleasure of attending “keggers” or doing that thing you call “tailgating.” I’m ready to indulge in all the hedonism that goes along with living in a college town, but I am relieved that Keeneland will still give me a chance to be glamorous.

Upon arriving in Lexington, I instantly noticed the fame enjoyed by the men’s basketball players. A Darius Miller sighting at Tin Roof is a bigger deal than grabbing a latte with Ryan Gosling at JFK. Not one to miss out on all the fun, I’ve decided to spend my time in Kentucky enjoying access to this elite group and hopefully ending up on a future season of Basketball Wives. With the help of you, my adoring fans, giving me tips, I plan to chronicle the adventures of UK players (mostly basketball, but other sports too when possible) and share the juicy gossip with the rest of the world. Enjoy, betches. Let’s dive right in.

Did anyone else happen to notice that Doron Lamb ended up somewhere other than his bed last weekend?

On a similar note, it appears that Anthony Davis is in LOVE. Yes, love. Fellow freshman and good friend Michael Kidd-Gilchrist spilled the beans, only to have Anthony quickly deny the allegation.

Methinks the Brow doth protest too much…

One of our favorite New York fashionistos responded to rumors that he is ditching the “Jorts” nickname for “Big Nasty.” While the New Yorker in me is skeptical of the sartorial trend, I have to admit they hug his figure in a most intriguing way.

Eloy Vargas appears to be undergoing an existential crisis. Someone intervene before he ends up a Philosophy major.

BUT WAIT! There’s more…

Either Eloy has a more finely-tuned sense of sarcasm and irony than we all give him credit for, or… no, I don’t even want to consider the alternative. It’s too depressing.

Jarrod Polson has been incommunicado. Not because he’s holed up in the lodge making a WBA video. Also not because he’s suddenly jetted off to a tropical location, which is usually the case when I’m unresponsive for a few days. No, the situation is much more mundane than that…

Local-boy-turned-Hollywood-heartthrob Josh Hopkins tantalized fans and followers with the suggestion of a Valentine’s Day gift. Will it be him, clad only in his three goggles? A girl can only hope.

Finally, KSR College blogger Laura Leigh (an up and comer in BBN society) found herself in a Twitter fight with Jeff Pearlman (a complete unknown and only going downhill from here- like, Louisville downhill). Pearlman kind of screwed himself by tweeting for the world to see: “I would rather my child not attend college than play for someone like Calipari.” Seriously? Laura Leigh responded, and from there, the discussion went like this:

Innocent question? Passive-aggressive power move? Only time will tell. What thing I know for sure- Kentucky fans immediately jumped to Laura Leigh’s defense, proving once again that BBN is one feisty clique that you don’t want to mess with.

Oh, and Pearlman describes himself as “The king of staples. The fighter of dragons. The lover of Blind Melon.” The catty comment practically writes itself.

That’s all for this week. If you have any tips or sightings that you think Gossip Girl needs to know about, send them through my number one betch, Kristen Geil. Until then, I plan on living college life to the fullest and reveling in my anonymity. I hear Two Keys on a Thursday is the perfect place to do so.

XOXO, Gossip Girl