[Moderated by Matt Jones]
Thanks to Martin Luther King, Jr., (not to be confused with his father, who received quite a bit of credit via Twitter yesterday for quotes I’m pretty sure he never said and dreams I’m pretty sure he never had) many of us enjoyed a rare three day weekend. Over the holiday weekend we learned a few things. Thanks to a cruise ship accident, we learned that there is an outside chance we will finally have the sequel we’ve all been waiting for: Titanic 2. We learned that everyone is capable of making a Jarnell Stokes stretching joke (guilty as charged!). And we learned that the University of Kentucky men’s basketball team earned a formidable 2.71 average GPA for the fall term.
As with any report card, the grade itself only tells half the story. I was able to pull some strings, uncovering the more detailed report cards for each of the team’s players. The following report cards were sent home to the parents and guardians of the following students:
Teacher’s Comments: Michael has been such a joy to have in class his semester. He has been coming in every morning before school for extra tutoring and he has been making sure that all of his classmates eat a healthy breakfast. We are a little concerned though because he keeps trying to give away his seat in the front of the class to his friend Darius.
Teacher’s Comments: We have noticed a slight improvement in Kyle’s work over the past week or two. Generally speaking, Kyle is a good kid but he and his best friend Jarrod giggle and chat their way through class almost every day. We’ve also noticed that when Kyle gets picked on by other classmates, he can’t seem to figure out how to defend himself.
Teacher’s Comments: Darius has been doing a great job when it comes to the big things like tests and quizzes. In contrast, he has struggled a bit on the smaller assignments. We’ve also had to get on Darius because he keeps taking the hall pass, disappearing for long periods of time before deciding to show up again.
Teacher’s Comments: We try not to overwhelm Eloy by asking him to do too much, but he’s been doing a decent job of completing the tasks we have given him. He has some trouble when it comes to turning assignments into the “completed work” bin. We find a lot of his assignments on the floor next to the bin, so very close to making it in. We did want to share a concern with you regarding Eloy. Lately we have noticed him looking up pictures of centaurs on the Internet. He carries the pictures around with him all day–studying them incessantly and asking us a lot of bizarre questions about the possibility of him being adopted. We just thought you should know.
Teacher’s Comments: To say that Terrence has had an up and down year would be a bit of an understatement. He seems to have trouble living up to the high expectations others had for him after he completed such a strong summer school semester. Also, Terrence seems to get slightly offended and self-conscious whenever he makes a mistake and we tell him to “just keep your chin up.”
Teacher’s Comments: Anthony has had a wonderful semester. When he gets into the zone while doing his work, he really has a knack for being able to block everything out. We do have one concern with Anthony. He has been having some trouble with handwriting, in particular the letter “i.” Instead of putting a dot, he keeps putting a single line over his “i’s.”
Teacher’s Comments: We’ve noticed that Doron wears 3 goggles. We think it might be time for him to be fitted for a new pair or have the prescription altered. His 3 goggles just haven’t been working as well for him lately.
Teacher’s Comments: Marquis has only been turning in partially completed assignments this semester. When he does his work, it’s great. He’s just inconsistent about turning it in. We just wish his work ethic were a little bit more like his 2 brothers, John and Brandon, who took this class before him. Also, perhaps this is out of bounds and we shouldn’t say this, (it’s kind of like that awkward moment when you have to tell a 12 year old that it’s time to start wearing deodorant) but Marquis is probably ready to start shaving.
@AllyTuckerKSR *Follow me, everything is alright…I’ll be the one to tuck you in at night (Just kidding, that’s creepy)
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